The Single Subconscious

Family Friday

It turns out that when you are single-never-married for so long that you only escape being a 40-year-old virgin by four months, your subconscious takes a little while to register your marital status. By which I mean, I keep having sporadic dreams in which I am still single. Last week I dreamed that I was single and rooming in some apartment with three other single women (like my senior year in college). The four of us in the dream were all very different from each other and we seemed to be planning some sort of party and having a little trouble agreeing on what kind of party it was going to be and who would be invited. Three of us had settled on something, but the fourth one arrived to the planning belatedly and was definitely not on board with what the rest of us had decided. One of the other roommates started rocking out to Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” in an attempt to convince the belated roommate that our idea was a good one. I’m not sure why she thought that would work–and I never got to find out if it did, because . . .

then I woke up.

Usually when I dream about being single, I’m dreaming about some sort of horrendous dating scenario (I had some doozies in real life, too), but I dreamed the worst one about three weeks ago. In the dream I was evidently not the kind of woman who believes that sex is only really legitimized in marriage, like I actually am, and I was dating some jerk who refused to acknowledge we were dating but required me to act as if we were, even though he found having physical intimacy with me, very difficult. Then I discovered that there was some other woman with whom he did not find such activities difficult at all and had been taking advantage of this fact on a daily basis. For some reason in the dream not only was I really angry, but I also felt completely powerless to get out of the situation. And . . .

then I woke up.

In none of these dreams do I ever have even the slightest inkling that I’m married to a fantastic man with a great sense of humour who really loves me; in fact, in the dreams I don’t even know he exists. But when I wake up unhappily and discover him snoring next to me–well, you can just imagine how relieved I am! (Note–that bit about snoring? Wasn’t a dig. I’m way, way worse.) Having dreams about unhappy singleness is one way not to take one’s husband for granted, I guess. But I wish my subconscious would keep up. Then I could be happy while I’m sleeping as well as when I’m awake.

Paul's birthday weekend



21 thoughts on “The Single Subconscious

  1. Don’t worry, those things happen to me, too. I’ll dream about my ex girlfriend, wake up and check next to me to see whether I still made the right choice. Also, it’s only when I’m at my fiancee’s. I think over time, my subconscious will pick up as well.

  2. Naw, been married 30 and (rarely but still) have those weird dating or single dreams.
    It makes me give huge thanks to GOD that the dream is totally untrue.
    It makes me pray against satanic forces in my thought life.
    It gives me opportunity (since I am now wide awake) to pray for stuff just because I know that it will annoy the devil.

    It is weird that I do not usually act like myself. One time , I dreamed that I could not get words out of my mouth and finally just yelled….. mack woke me up…… I had a wad of wet chewed pillow case in my mouth. šŸ™‚

    • Ew! Wow. That’s intense. I suppose it’s kind of like those dreams about enrolling in a college class and totally forgetting about it until exam week. Or . . . my dad recently told me that he still occasionally has dreams where TheBro and I are little kids. Maybe it never does go away entirely . . .

    • Yay, Opinionated Man!

      And yay you, for visiting! Thank you. I’m glad the post was a reminder of the good kind. šŸ™‚

      Please come again. I’ll check out your blog, too.

  3. Your second dream–the one with the jerk–was my life for about two years. Funny, it felt like a bad dream then, and I think of it like a bad dream now…it’s strange how unreal it seems in retrospect.

  4. Yes, I can imagine. I had a previous relationship a bit milder than that, but still upsetting, but I have a good friend who was with a guy EXACTLY like that for a while, so I can only imagine my subconscious was commiserating. I’m glad you’re not in that life anymore.

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I really appreciate it! Hope you’ll come back again!

  5. Lived with girlfriend. Was her new shiny object. We broke up, read she lost interest. I moved out. Woke up many nights hoping she’d be there, not for the sex but the closeness.

      • Jenn, right now I’m doing a kind of life story in my blog. Part three is coming up Monday. It’s going to explain how I began to need the closeness and other things. It might turn into a book. By the way, read the posts that were listed from your blog. You write with a lot of soul. Will follow you.

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