[Something’s] in the Details

“It may be the devil, or it may be the Lord . . . “ but it’s hard for me to know because either way, I’m not too good with details. Unless I’m correcting someone else’s grammar in my head. (Or in the ear of my fiance.)

The other day I was practicing my soon to be new signature. I write my signature in cursive, but that is the only time I use cursive anymore. In college I reinvented my own handwriting and it looked cool for a while until I got used to it; now it’s just as messy as my cursive was to begin with, and that might just be my lack of motor control, but it might also be that I don’t ever write anything that much, because I’m mostly typing all the time. I’ve decided I’m going to take Paul’s last name but keep mine for my writing credits. What I’m trying to decide right now is whether I should make my legal first name a combination of my current first and middle name (Jennifer-Anne, which is what I was called all through elementary school anyway) and have my current last name be my middle name, or just officially drop my current last name entirely, or make my middle name a secret. I think the initials JGL are cooler than JAL for some reason, though JGL could make people (like me) think juggle, or . . . similar words . . . JAL looks like Japan Airlines. Keeping all the names makes for a very long name. And I’m not sure I could get any more used to hyphenating my first two names than I can to writing Paul’s last name. I wrote it over and over, but it was hard, not because it’s a hard last name, but because the only words I ever write in cursive anymore are Jennifer Anne Grosser. It’s like my internal cursive app is broken or something.

Maybe my trouble with the details is that I fixate on them.

So it’s probably a good thing that Paul and I are having a simple and small wedding, because if I were going for DJ’s and florists and big reception halls and trying to decide which of my 800+ friends on facebook to invite (not to mention The Readership), I’d be sunk. Particuarly since we’re getting married in just over two months. As it is, I’ve spent this whole morning emailing and instant-messaging back and forth with Mom and the BroFam about travel plans and the rehearsal, and whether we’re going to have a rehearsal dinner, when almost all the people who will be at the reception dinner the next day will also be at the rehearsal, and whether there will be any sort of “girl party” when none of the women I would want to invite will actually be invited to the wedding, since it’s siblings, parents, and grandmothers only, though they will be invited to our larger reception in the summer . . .

From an outside perspective I’m sure it looks like we’re rushing things, and sometimes when I get overwhelmed by the details, it feels like we are. Sometimes I realise that I’ve been single for my whole entire life and I feel like I’m about to reach a fork in the road I’ve been wishing to reach for years and suddenly I’m terrified that I won’t be any good at either the details or the generalities that I encounter once I make that turn. Sometimes I feel like I’ve waited for this for so long that right at the end something is going to go horribly wrong (like, maybe he has an insane wife in the attic . . . except he doesn’t have an attic) and it’s not going to happen.

Then I remember that I love Paul and that he loves me and God loves both of us, and that there are very practical reasons for getting married in March instead of the June wedding we had originally envisioned. (As just one example–my craziest work-time starts in June; it would be kind of frustrating to get married and then for me to say, “See ya! I’m off to go camping and conferencing with a bunch of teenagers for a few months!”) The only thing about it is that it means we have to go into overdrive to get his house ready for a new occupant, figure out which of my stuff is coming with me, etc, etc, etc. I’m just praying that somehow even this becomes a holy experience, and that we find God in the details.


One thought on “[Something’s] in the Details

  1. Some thoughts:
    I’m sure most of your friends would enjoy partying with you and understand the wedding was a family thing.
    You can figure out what really needs to go to Fiance Paul’s house (hairbrush, toiletries, tea/coffee, clothes), see that it will get there, and leave the rest of everything to figure out later. With such a short time, figure out what needs to be done and leave the rest. If you have the time do it, if not don’t sweat it.

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