The Matchmaker and I were talking on the phone the evening of the day on which I smashed up my car, and he asked me what my number one goal for 2011 was, and what my number one wish was. He had recently discovered that I am not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. I thought those were good questions, so I decided to tell you about them, too.
My number one goal, I told the Matchmaker, was to finish the novel I’ve been dodging the last five or so years. It already is finished, if, by “finished,” you mean it has a beginning, a middle and an end. But it isn’t finished if by “finished” you mean “ready to send to a publisher.” I’ve been excusing myself from finishing it in that way for years, by saying I have just looked at it so many times I no longer can see what needs to be fixed, even though I can see that it needs to be fixed. But then I gave it to the Item, and he went through it with a fine-toothed comb and made genuinely helpful comments and suggestions and proofreadings, and so I can’t really use that excuse anymore. So. Three simultaneously upcoming seminary classes and a full-time job aside, my goal for the year is to get this story in marketable shape and, by December, to be starting to market it.
I didn’t really want to tell the Matchmaker my wish because I was pretty sure it was along the lines of what he was hoping I’d wish for, and I never like to be too cooperative. For some reason. Besides, it’s so cliche. But the thing was, when I rammed my car into the back of that pick-up truck that morning, and initially couldn’t reach anybody to let them know what was going on, and when the cops or the EMTs (I don’t even remember) asked me who I lived with and I had to say, “Nobody,” it just seemed like the most depressing thing in the world.
Right now I am making friends or building on friendships with a number of men, and am not dating any of them, and it’s comfortable and where I think I need to be at the moment. For one thing, it prevents me from obsessing over any one person, which I no longer ever want to do. But, I told the Matchmaker, I do wish, by the end of the year, to at least be embarking on a serious relationship with a man I can truly share my life with, and who can truly share his.
Goals and wishes. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
I dunno. I think He cares even about that stuff.