Goals and Wishes

The Matchmaker and I were talking on the phone the evening of the day on which I smashed up my car, and he asked me what my number one goal for 2011 was, and what my number one wish was. He had recently discovered that I am not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. I thought those were good questions, so I decided to tell you about them, too.

My number one goal, I told the Matchmaker, was to finish the novel I’ve been dodging the last five or so years. It already is finished, if, by “finished,” you mean it has a beginning, a middle and an end. But it isn’t finished if by “finished” you mean “ready to send to a publisher.” I’ve been excusing myself from finishing it in that way for years, by saying I have just looked at it so many times I no longer can see what needs to be fixed, even though I can see that it needs to be fixed. But then I gave it to the Item, and he went through it with a fine-toothed comb and made genuinely helpful comments and suggestions and proofreadings, and so I can’t really use that excuse anymore. So. Three simultaneously upcoming seminary classes and a full-time job aside, my goal for the year is to get this story in marketable shape and, by December, to be starting to market it.

I didn’t really want to tell the Matchmaker my wish because I was pretty sure it was along the lines of what he was hoping I’d wish for, and I never like to be too cooperative. For some reason. Besides, it’s so cliche. But the thing was, when I rammed my car into the back of that pick-up truck that morning, and initially couldn’t reach anybody to let them know what was going on, and when the cops or the EMTs (I don’t even remember) asked me who I lived with and I had to say, “Nobody,” it just seemed like the most depressing thing in the world.

Right now I am making friends or building on friendships with a number of men, and am not dating any of them, and it’s comfortable and where I think I need to be at the moment. For one thing, it prevents me from obsessing over any one person, which I no longer ever want to do. But, I told the Matchmaker, I do wish, by the end of the year, to at least be embarking on a serious relationship with a man I can truly share my life with, and who can truly share his.

Goals and wishes. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I dunno. I think He cares even about that stuff.

6 thoughts on “Goals and Wishes

  1. I hope WordPress works great for you.

    And I sincerely hope that you achieve your goal and are granted your wish, as well.

    (And this is my second attempt at leaving this comment…)

  2. So glad you and Oscar are both doing ok. I’m praying for your car to be all better too and for your year to bring you all the peace and growth that you need…in exactly the ways that will bring you the most joy.

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